Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
