Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
