It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
false alarm, still single
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