I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
