So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
