how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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