yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
