I'm so fucking centered right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
