Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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