Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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