low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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