theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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