Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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