how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pooping to opera.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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