I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
