So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
