I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
