you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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