Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
