Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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