I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
