You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
