the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drunk is not a location!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
