So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
