I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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