i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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