yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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