I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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