He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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