I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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