david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
