its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
