So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
