having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
