Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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