don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
