I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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