i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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