This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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