I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize