I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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