why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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