You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
