The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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