Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize