This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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