What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
