It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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