yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
