Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
love makes seman taste better
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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