Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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