I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
