What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We left the knife in your bed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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