she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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