like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm too high and old for this...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
