I just pynch a tree in the face
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
