i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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