I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So. Much. Porn.
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