it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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