Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize