smell my finger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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