I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
