i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
