Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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