i would punch a child for taco bell
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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