You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my being single is dangerous.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
