I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
