This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
